At the beginning of 2024 I traveled to the most beautiful place I have ever been, and I had the most amazing time. The moments spent laying on the beach, stuck in traffic, sleeping on a mattress in the living room, or even on a Zoom call for work, every moment felt so special and sweet, and I never wanted them to end, but somewhere in the back of my head I always knew they would.
The last day I couldn’t stop crying. I was so sad to leave. So sad to say goodbye. I was overwhelmed with emotion, and rather than appreciating the memories that I had made, I sabotaged them with the sadness that I had to go back and face reality.
And reality was hard.
Reality meant coming back to an empty apartment, with a boyfriend stuck across the world. Reality was working a job that I absolutely loved, for an organization that I could no longer support. Reality was friends that were hard to stay in contact with, a family that stressed me out, and a life that just felt overwhelming.
It felt like no matter what I did, or how hard I prayed, nothing seemed to be getting better.
I tried really hard to focus on all of the positive things. I got a new job. I visited friends when I could. I moved my body a lot. I went to therapy. I stopped stalking my ex.
Then, I traveled across Europe with a group of strangers who knew nothing about me or my life, but little by little they began to heal me. They reminded me to be spontaneous, and to have fun, and to be at peace with where I am and who I am. They reminded me that I am worthy of love. That it is absolutely okay to not have it all together. That it’s okay to not be okay or even happy all of the time. They reminded me that the world doesn’t just end when the good times are over. That life goes on, and things will be good again one day.
Coming back to reality this time has been a bit different. Life is still hard, and busy, and complicated. I still have to be intentionally looking for the good moments. I still need therapy. I still sometimes stalk my ex.
But I’m also extremely proud of myself for surviving it all. For being able to still celebrate, to have fun, find peace, and to love again. I’m proud that my heart has been able to stay soft, even when life has been hard.
I realize now that all good things must come to an end.
And the really good things might just have the worst endings but that doesn’t take away from the good.
That doesn’t make me want those moments any less.
And it doesn’t mean things will never be good again.
Life is a constant cycle of good and bad. Without the bad, we wouldn’t appreciate the good as much.
In 2025, I’ll appreciate the good moments way more. I’ll give myself more grace when I don’t feel like being happy. I’ll trust myself more. I’ll trust God more, and I’ll remember that just because it hasn’t happened yet, doesn’t mean that it won’t ever happen.
Just because it’s not good right now, doesn’t mean it will never be good again.
Here’s to living softly, even when the world is hard.
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